These Advice from My Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who often hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - spending a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."